evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
