She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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