Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
