Christians are straight up FREAKS
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
