Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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