thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize