I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
