All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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