I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
