I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
