He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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