Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
