Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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