I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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