you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
