There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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