She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize