its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
