threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
