May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
