Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
