he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
