dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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