I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Life is so much better after having sex.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think your dad took our porno
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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