who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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