I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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