The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you didnt know i had herpes?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
