do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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