Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
