its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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