she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
