i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize