If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
