I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize