I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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