Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
