You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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