So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
