We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize