why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Congratulations! We have a period
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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