Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
