my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
