Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
