Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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