Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
