who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
