I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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