Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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