If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
"it" just moved
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
