Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
