Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
