why didn't you poke me back
I faked an abortion last night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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