He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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