He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
