I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
