I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
