Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
