There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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