If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Quick, to the slutcave!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
