I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
