I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it was like eating out sand paper
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
