I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
