i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
They are going to name an STD after you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
