So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
