gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
