his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
