You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
