we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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