my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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