don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize