there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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