Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
