Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
